By Michael Janflone

It’s NOT Sabotage, It’s a BLUEPRINT!!

Complicated Complications

Never has a step been brought up with such horrific whispers — “a fearless and searching moral inventory,” the way Step 4 has. Always in meetings as the excuse, the prolonged marathon fine-combing of life events.They’re hiding under the mother effin’ stairs.

Run for the hills people, You have a creature chasing you that combines pitch blackness with every single other demon and monster combined. All those movie heroes, gone, so it’s all up to you- it’s time to bring up the past.

Oh my…Again, God brought me here, so fear should not exist in the presence of faith. Still, it seems 70+% of those who relapse and come back will say something along the lines of, I was on my fourth step, mixed with some cups of sugar, my roommate ate the last pop-tart, and I lost my job as a rehab tech, all in the same week.

The purpose of the 4th Step is simple, to reestablish a connection to God. It is a solid attempt to clean off the chalkboard. When we are born, we have a nice clean pipeline to God; we’re truly innocent. That’s me, actually forming my very first resentment against my parents, innocence lost, the first piece of hair lodged in my God sink.

By the time I’m caught sneaking out at age 9 and getting grounded for something I just couldn’t miss, the conduit to God is jammed with fears, harms and resentments. This NEVER means God does not hear me, but I can’t listen for any answers. By now, I’m wrapped up in the world that revolves around me. I’ve been on the road to selfishness a while at this point; like a road sign on a long drive, some city that was 498 miles is now at 344. When I find opiates, the pipe is clogged completely and everything else just adds to the clog. What to do?

“The truth shall set you free.”

The 4th step is the truth, more importantly, my responsibility when it comes to the facts. Don’t want grounded, don’t walk a stranger 2 miles to get smokes from a golf course. Don’t lie, cheat, and most vital of all, be proud of who I am.

Mechanically, sponsors do the nuts and bolts differently, but the end result, in my opinion, has to be the same: the clog in the pipe has to be opened so that YOU HEAR GOD’S ANSWER. God always hears you, don’t forget it.

By the time I have my resentments, fears and harms (including sexual) written on paper, MY role in them and what it affected (self-esteem, ego, self-worth, validation, etc), I have a great idea – my selfish actions have laid out a course for addiction of some sort. And my agent signed a terrible movie deal where I star in a mega-ology of horror, slasher, demonic and poor reality TV shows starring groups from NJ, Russia, France, K&A in Philly, etc., etc.

By the time I sit across from my sponsor and God and read it all out loud, something beautiful will happen if I’ve been thorough – my perspective will begin to change. My thoughts will have begun to lean towards selflessness, not selfishness; I will focus on what I have, not want, i.e., be and remain GRATEFUL.

Stay tuned. Don’t be afraid of this step. It’s the winning lottery ticket; buy it and cash it in. Reap the riches. God believes I deserve it and you’ll get it too. Step 5 next time. Get out the pen and paper. Put away the fear. Faith is the absence of fear. You’ve got this. If not, ask that sponsor, or that God dude; he’s always available.

As for a preview: resentments wither under the weight of forgiveness, fears evaporate sucked dry by faith, and the harms, direct and sexual, vanish on your side of the street, with an amends made. More to come, at a quicker pace too. Thanks for bearing with me and my health.

Peace and Love,

Mike